"Crushed Between Question and Answer"

© 2000
J. Mitch Hopper

Aging brings out the questions. Some herald answers that we would just as soon not hear. Here is just a taste!
Of all the questions I might have asked myself in the beginning, the meaning of life would have been the last. Being an avowed agnostic bordering on Atheism, I had never devoted much quiet time in pursue of ultimate truths. Such was simply not my manner. I come from the free love generation and my universal placement is smack dab in the middle of the baby boomers. We flower power children place our truths in the disguised world of consumerism masquerading as alternative culture. As I have aged, however, I have begun to question my placement in life. What lies beyond the end of corporeal life as we know it? What manner of existence might there be beyond living consciousness? As I entered adulthood, I wondered, tenuously at first, about the mysteries of life and its meaning to the greater scheme of things. For what reason am I here? Is this really a random collection of biology and electrochemical reaction passing as self-awareness or is there a greater plan - some larger wheel turning about my smaller wheel? As I aged and saw the end of my own existence looming ever closer, the questions became more important. I think that the innocence of youth was a better way to pilot my way though this life, for as I see the vastness of creation and wonder at the complexity of my being, I am ever more fearful of the step beyond my own demise.

Recently, I was granted a glimpse of the reason for reality. Once, I thought I was happy, but now, that glimpse has cast upon me a depression of the damned.

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